NOBODY PAPS YOU IN THE BUTT WITHOUT YOUR CON…
Oh, hey TZ.
Wait, what’s that noise?
…
Oh hell no.
Dude, you do not want to do that. I mean, seriously, look at this shit.
It’s covered in, like, tongue residue or something.
…
Ugh.
Baby
I know what you need
You want some little baby socks
For your little baby feet
Baby
I know what you crave
You want to poop your pants all day long
Well baby behave!
Yeah, that shit was pretty fresh.
You are DAVE THE HUMAN, and today is your THIRTEENTH BIRTHDAY. Honestly, it’s not that big a deal, seeing as you’ve been DELIRIOUSLY BIZNASTY ever since you were a baby.
Well, there was that one incident involving a leaf and some boom-boom, but you try not to think about that.
You are currently standing in your TOTALLY RAD TREEHOUSE, which you share with your SISTER and BEST PAL 4 LYFE. Scattered about the hive are various items symbolic of your interests. The vast piles of PHAT LEWT and STRANGE PRESERVED SPECIMENS are evidence of your FOREMOST PASSION of ADVENTURING. The TURNTABLES, which you dug up from some ruins a while back, form the basis of your SECOND INTEREST, which is creating all sorts of ILL-MANNERED BEATS.
You also enjoy BEING RIGHTEOUS, but that’s kind of hard to depict in a symbolic manner.
You were just playing some sweet VIDEO GAMES, but NEPETA is currently recovering from a “MAD SNACKS YO” INDUCED GLITCH.
Now you’re waiting for your BEST FRIEND to show up.
What are you gonna do until they get here?
(Suggestion time. Go to town.)